Lost Games #6 Stepball

click to enlarge image

That's Wimbledon over for another year and still no British winner.
Tennis was a traditional Summer High Wall game, but more often or not there was little or no access to proper courts. Granted there were a rake of courts in the Meadows but they cost money and the surly guy in the wee ticket shed seemed keen to maintain standards so took a dim view of scruffy wee laddies with one ball (grey not thon new fangled green yins) and a few auld bats.

Never mind the High Wall had it's own Centre Court, namely the steps at the side of the Dick Vet. A wee bit of innovation and inspiration and the game of Stepball was born.

Now here was a proper game. The idea was that you stood at the bottom, hit a ball up the steps and took turns trying to return it, a bit like Squash (which we had never seen or played) or Shapes (played all the time with a fitba against a flat wall)
The steps were irregular and so the random angle of return idea is what turns Stepball into a real challenge. This was perhaps derived from the ancient childhood game of Kerbie.

The real breakthrough was when the tennis ball got lost and was substituted by a golf ball.
Returns were faster, even less predictable and could "gie ye a sair yin"
The fact that golf balls and tennis bats are not all that compatible added to the speed and mayhem. These fellys were flying at you at some lick from aw angles.
An array of protective helmets were then introduced giving the game an even more surreal quality. If I recall they ranged from pots, cardboard boxes with eye holes, a light blue 60's puddingbowl style motorcycle helmet with leather ear flaps, all the way through to a WW2 ARP helmet. What a braw laugh we had. A real "Oor Wullie" moment

Now there were not a lot of cars around the High Wall in the early 70's but the owners of the few vehicles parked in a 50 yard radius of the Stepball arena started to get a bit humpty about the sound of golfball against metal.
They were always met with innocent looks and protestations of "No mister we never hit your car"

Eventually Stepball was hounded out due to the narrow-mindedness of a tiny minority of selfish motorists. Shame cos it was a barry game and could have caught on globally.

Animals of the High Wall #4

The Toad, in this case Gunga Din, was a common High Wall animal that after being taken from his natural habitat at Dunsapie loch, was introduced into the High Wall area. On finding that he was not really taken with the idea it was decided that he should be taken back to where he was found.
The problem was it was quite late and nobody could be bothered going all the way back to Dunsapie Loch. The younger members of the High wall community were told that Gunga Din would not survive the night and that it would be a much better idea to put him out of his misery.
So it was that the fish hammer was used to release him from this world and his mortal remains ended up in the notorious Black Cat tin.

Animals of the High Wall #3 The 10p White Mouse

These were not technically indigenous to the High Wall but were a species imported from a tiny wee petshop on Fleshmarket Close.

They cost 10p and were great companions who lived out their short lives in the pockets of snorkel parkas. Given that there was no way we would be allowed these in the house (High Wall tenaments having their own supply of mice back in the day) alternative accommodation had to be found. Alas most of them did not survive the night in a badly ventilated black cat tobacco tin or tupperware prison. Most froze, overheated, starved or dehydrated. This invariably led to an autopsy to establish cause of death and a Viking style cremation ritual.

Luckily they were plentyful and cheap.

Thinking back on it they were really not meant to be pets and were stocked mainly as live food for better quality pets such as snakes.

So maybe they had a happier few days being played with and pishing and shiteing in the lining of a parka, than they would have had being eaten alive by a snake.

Mind you, that is only because we didnae own any snakes !!

Animals of the High Wall #2

I know that this does not come under the category of animal normaly but who cares, the good old Devils Coach Horse. A description of which follows.

The devil's coach-horse beetle ("Ocypus olens") is a very common and widespread European beetle, belonging to the large family of the Rove beetles (Staphylinidae). It was originally named "Staphylinus olens" in 1764, and some authors and biologists still use this older name. The species has also been introduced to the Americas and parts of Australasia.

This black beetle usually shelters during the day under stones, logs or leaf litter. It is most often seen in forests, parks and gardens between April and October.

I, we found it under stone alright usually behind Alec Bissit's back windae. hey were never very chuffed to see us coming because they knew that the boys were on the hunt for coachers. They had a wierd smell about them that remained on the hands even after the slaughter. They could be used to fight against each other or just killed outright. I don't think we have done much for our Karma in this department. The coachers did offer hours of childhood exitement and should not be fogotten.

Animals of the High wall #1 The Store Horse

The Store Horse was an indiginous species aroung the South Side, a beast of burden which became extinct around the early 80's. A source of civic pride and much mirth.

One of the best treats you could get on your way to school as a laddie was if you could jump onto the back of the float for a wee fly jaunt, before getting chased off by some sullen auld guy who'd "once worked wi thon Sean Connery"

Even better than a wee hurl though was if you were lucky enough to see the store horse having a shite. What a laugh that was when you were a city boy not used to "nature red of tooth and spinchter". Strange fascination indeed

As well as no being able to have a shite in peace for crowds of wee laddies pointing and guffawing, bangers were another challenge for the Store horse. In those non PC days of the early 70's it was a rite of passage to scare the per auld nag with a few well aimed 3-2-1 zeros.

My faither used to say to my mother "Gies a kiss 'til the store horse comes" as a wee term of endearment. I still use it with my missus to this day. A brilliant piece of high wall humour.

The sayings of yer auld man are a subject that we need to explore in more detail in this blog as there are a few beauties out there that need sharing with the world.

This photo was apparantly taken in Gladstone Terrace so the Store Horse is the actual real "South Side" deal, and not some clever CGI or a couple of guys in a store horse suit.

As a side note, the auld biddy in the photo has got on a "housecoat". Mind of them, the auld yins used to wear them aboot the hoose in the days before all thon fancy central heating and double glazing.

I blame global warming on the demise of the housecoat.

It should have been in the Kyoto agreement. Free housecoats for all !!!

Segs Crazed.

Following on from Monkey boots remember these fellys. They were all the rage for a short while back in the day.

Had a wee laugh with Arkos the other night when the subject came up (as it does) .

We used to clack aboot trying to make sparks with these wee beauties. Some lads went over the top with aboot 20 round each heel and a few in the toe for good measure. The noise in the school corridors could be akin to the "store horse" and his pals, River dancing in shipping container.

Wee laddies and poor bairns had to make do with drawing pins.

If I recall there was a wee cobbler at Ratcliffe Terrace who benefitted greatly from this brief fad. I'm sure the schools also banned them eventually, much to his chagrin.

Essential High wall workwear.

This was one of the most important items of workwear at the High wall. The Monkey boot. You had to have them in the original Ox blood couloring which blended in well with the broken brickwork of the old factories where we spent our summer holidays.
The yellow laces were also important, but could be exchanged for red ones from Barrats. The most important part was the sole. Tough commando tread to get you up the High wall but soft enough for you to creep past Mr Bissits back window, on the lookout for Devils coach horses, without being heard.
They did have their drawbacks though. Those chunky commando soles always seemed to collect all the dog shit, which was then spread on Mums carpet(a clip round the lug was a sure thing). Also they made your feet smell like a dead tramp. We didn't care, they were real High wall compatible footware.
Keep your eyes open for more Essential High wall workwear.